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Heaven & Hell
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F41NXS
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Joined: 27 Mar 2007
Posts: 536

PostPosted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 9:53 am
PostPost subject: Heaven & Hell
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ever wonder why you sometimes get an e-mail from a friend with just a joke attached, no "hi how are you" etc

perhaps this will explain, if you have the time read this, you will find it rewarding!



This explains why I forward jokes.
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.


After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.


When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as
he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.

'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.


After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.

'There should be a bowl by the pump.'
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.

'This is Heaven,' he answered.

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'

'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'


Soooo...

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.

Maybe this will explain.


When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?
A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.



You are always welcome @ my water bowl anytime!!
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black trumpet
BSB Factory Team
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Joined: 19 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 7:31 pm
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wow thats deep, almost philisofical,in fact im sure its philosofical.you been readen nietche or plutarch.if it was a cat,oh i dunno,i might have gone for the first option,what with 9 lives an all,land on there feet an all that,but dogs now thats different.bein a biker an a dog owner,well loyalty comes in to it.was goin to forward cheap joke sent to me by some remote family
member but it wasent even good.
cheers bt...

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netwarrior
The Management
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Joined: 08 May 2007
Posts: 1033
Location: Forfar, Angus

PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:27 pm
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Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.


When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don ' t step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.


Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.


St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"


The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn ' t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.


The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.


She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.



St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.


The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"


The guy says, "I don ' t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

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netwarrior
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:42 pm
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A woman came home suddenly and caught her plumber doing indecent things to her family dog!

Disgusted, she called the Police and insiste that they arrest the man.

After apprehending him the Police reported back to the woman that they would be unable to prosecute him for the offence!

"Why not"! asked the woman.

"It appears" began the Policeman "That he's fully CORGI registered"!!

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black trumpet
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 2:44 am
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netwarrior wrote:
A woman came home suddenly and caught her plumber doing indecent things to her family dog!

Disgusted, she called the Police and insiste that they arrest the man.

After apprehending him the Police reported back to the woman that they would be unable to prosecute him for the offence!

"Why not"! asked the woman.

"It appears" began the Policeman "That he's fully CORGI registered"!!


boom boom Laughing

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